"She's ridiculous. She lived in Malaysia for 17 years and left for a few months and now she thinks she doesn't belong here anymore. Bitch please."
"Please. It's not like you lived there for years. Wake up."
"So you think you're half American now? Please. You're born and raised as Malaysian. Don't forget your genes."
They don't understand.
It's not about how long I've stayed there but how much I've made out of in that few months.
"It's not a few months in life but a life in few months."
It's not about United States. It's about the people I've met there. It's about falling in love with their culture. It's about how my lifestyle was when I was there. It's about who I am when I was there.
Honestly, I don't look up to USA. "The best country.. first world country.. well-developed" That's true but that doesn't mean that we need to think highly of them. I think Americans are same with all of us. I really hate it when the media be like "USA says that ... which means it's true." Shut up. They are all humans, just like us.
But I love that place. I love the people I've met. I love the values they hold. Not all, but most. I love how they respect different opinions. I love how they promote individualism. I love how confident I was despite being foreign.
In my home country, I felt like I need to conform with the society or else I'll cause a lot of troubles. I hate how the elders expect me to conform and obey. Personally, I believe that too much of obedience kills creativity. Yet obedience is being valued here. If you're obedient and you listen to me, you're a good kid.
I don't like it. I don't feel like I can be myself. I fucking hate it.
Which is another reason I miss Vegas. I felt like I can be myself around the people there. I don't need to work hard to reach their expectations. I work hard because for most of the time I just want to impress myself. And while I was working hard for self-satisfaction, my teacher and my classmates were a little impressed.
Sometimes I think my exchange journey has made me becoming a worse person. I became greedy. I crave for self-satisfaction. I don't want to settle for less. I have high expectations for myself. I believe that I am able to reach for the stars. It's like a thin fine line between being ambitious and being overconfident. Sometimes I judge people I know back home. I compare cultures. The moment I become more open-minded in one area I become narrow-minded in another.
I miss my life in USA a little too much. I don't expect people to understand anyway. It's my own journey after all. And I'm glad that I get to feel this way.
"Please. It's not like you lived there for years. Wake up."
"So you think you're half American now? Please. You're born and raised as Malaysian. Don't forget your genes."
They don't understand.
It's not about how long I've stayed there but how much I've made out of in that few months.
"It's not a few months in life but a life in few months."
It's not about United States. It's about the people I've met there. It's about falling in love with their culture. It's about how my lifestyle was when I was there. It's about who I am when I was there.
Honestly, I don't look up to USA. "The best country.. first world country.. well-developed" That's true but that doesn't mean that we need to think highly of them. I think Americans are same with all of us. I really hate it when the media be like "USA says that ... which means it's true." Shut up. They are all humans, just like us.
But I love that place. I love the people I've met. I love the values they hold. Not all, but most. I love how they respect different opinions. I love how they promote individualism. I love how confident I was despite being foreign.
In my home country, I felt like I need to conform with the society or else I'll cause a lot of troubles. I hate how the elders expect me to conform and obey. Personally, I believe that too much of obedience kills creativity. Yet obedience is being valued here. If you're obedient and you listen to me, you're a good kid.
I don't like it. I don't feel like I can be myself. I fucking hate it.
Which is another reason I miss Vegas. I felt like I can be myself around the people there. I don't need to work hard to reach their expectations. I work hard because for most of the time I just want to impress myself. And while I was working hard for self-satisfaction, my teacher and my classmates were a little impressed.
Sometimes I think my exchange journey has made me becoming a worse person. I became greedy. I crave for self-satisfaction. I don't want to settle for less. I have high expectations for myself. I believe that I am able to reach for the stars. It's like a thin fine line between being ambitious and being overconfident. Sometimes I judge people I know back home. I compare cultures. The moment I become more open-minded in one area I become narrow-minded in another.
I miss my life in USA a little too much. I don't expect people to understand anyway. It's my own journey after all. And I'm glad that I get to feel this way.